Saturday, November 30, 2002:
it's been a long time...i've never been the same.
Tyler // 1:21 AM
Thursday, March 28, 2002:
yep, i got a job, i been at einsteins bagels for two weeks. it's tiring. but enough about the job. willy is still trying to keep things from me. fucking, why the shit does he have to lie and let a girl come between us. Great as that girl is, we have been friends way too long. And he is letting it happen, he is letting her come between us.
My soul is on fire and i need you to put out the flames. you've locked me out of my own heart and now i don't even know what i want...
Tyler // 9:24 PM
Sunday, March 24, 2002:
ok...whoever is reading this, even you willy...this is how i feel. i love her, i lover her so much. but i can't help but assume that you like her alot also...and i'm fine with that, no matter how hard it is for me. But, i'm not fine with you trying to keep things from me. You act as though your afraid i will flip out. i thought you knew me better than that. it's not like your the cause of her and i ending. i just wanna hang out like always. like the situation with laura, even though that ended, we still did things, you even brought laura and rigo along. i want that same thing now...i want us to be close. and i especially don't want a girl coming between us. if anything i want that girl to become part of the group. i hate it that you tried to hide how you feel. just keep those lines of communication wide open. thats it. thats all i have to say...
Tyler // 7:40 PM
Sunday, March 17, 2002:
tonight i went to katy's...everyone was there...even becca. it's weird how my emotions flucuate. friday i could barely contain how hurt i was. but tonight it wasn't so bad...i went to guitar center before katy's house. it was fun. i went with ariela, hayley, and michael. peh...anyway, becca still makes me feel fantastic. i don't think that will be ending anytime soon...natalie gave me a ride to katy's and picked up pictures before we got there... two were of becca and i at her house, and another was us on valentines day holding hands...she looked so beautiful. she did her hair the way i like and wore a nice dress. i love her. but love is a two edged sword...
Tyler // 12:28 AM
Saturday, March 16, 2002:
i can't take it anymore...no one has ever affected me like she has, and it's eating me up inside. I'm in love with her and it's not going away. Tonight i went to christians and she was there. i saw her lying on the bed and she looked so beautiful. i just wanted to lie down next to her and hold her. Right now i'm sitting at my house all alone, no one is here. It's dark, and i feel cold. Ususally i'd be talking to becca and telling her how i feel about her. She once told me she was falling in love with me. How does love go away so fast? i didn't say it until i meant it, and now look at me. i love her, she doesn't love me, and she can get to sleep at night. it hurts so bad. when i got home i broke down and screamed, cried, and laughed. screamed cause i can't have her anymore, cried because she doesn't feel the same, and laughed because i don't know why. her love faded in a week, mine has ceased to die. and that is truly one of the most horrible pains: loving someone who doesn't love you back...
Tyler // 12:05 AM
Wednesday, March 13, 2002:
It was a very very windy day today. i feel foolish. at lunch i was just staring at her sweet face wishing so bad that i could hold her. i felt like an idiot though because she doesn't feel the same. and she never will again. People have told me she just isn't ready for a relationship. That may be, but when she is ready, it won't be with me. Ron and jessica were fighting and are now ok. I guess ron doesn't treat jessica like a princess enough and she was angry. Yet, they are still together. Jessica says i treated becca like a princess. becca obviously didn't think so. and now i doubt if i ever did. I like to think i did. I like to think i put her before anything. absolute devotion. but if that were true, why would she not want that? the only logical answer is that i didn't treat her like a princess.
She deserves so much. and if i can't deliver, than i don't deserve her. i want so badly to make her happy. i wish i could...
Tyler // 10:02 PM
Monday, March 11, 2002:
today i went to school. i saw becca and this was the first time i wasn't allowed to feel what i used to. i brought the cd she made me to school and listened to it all day long. it's such a good cd. i kept a good attitude though...i try to. i borrowed jessica's belt. it's a nice belt, i like it. maria took my cell phone and now katie koller as it. i think soon enough i'll be over it. i'll never be over how i feel for her, but i'll have to accept what happend. acceptance is a difficult thing to grasp. very difficult.
Tyler // 9:59 PM